March 25, 2008 - 5:25pm — TiffanyV
I see a dark cloud over your head:
(Have you been through embarrassment?)
Flushed face, beet-red cheeks, tears dribbling down your face, dark bags under your eyes, and tissues scattered all over the ground. Could this be you?
"My life is over. I can never show my face again. Everyone will think I'm stupid," you say over and over again to yourself. Are you feeling down? Depressed? Ashamed?
These are the symptoms of a "disease," spreading world-wide, affecting children and adults of all ages: Embarrassment.
Embarrassment:
[em-bar-uhs-muhnt]
The shame you feel when your guilt is made public, an unpleasant emotional state.
Of course you’ve obviously been through an embarrassing situation, but that shouldn’t stop you from showing your face. You are not the only person who has been through an embarrassing moment. Many others (I’m sure of) have gone through the same thing.
Still doubting? Don’t fret, I’m here to help.
Now, wipe those tears off your face and turn that frown upside down! Read through this article to find tips, stories, and more on embarrassment. Learn how to prevent, deal with, and escape from your everyday ordeals!
Been there, done that:
(What is embarrassment? What are the types of embarrassment?)
Alright, so let’s review. What is embarrassment you say? Well, to put it into even more simple terms, embarrassment is a feeling you get when you know you’ve done some ridiculous. Embarrassment is caused by many things. The most common causes are:
-Things you have done (Threw up on someone/Tripped on yourself)
-People you wish you didn’t know, but surprisingly do (Annoying Friends/Clueless Parents)
-Personal stuff (Dropping a feminine product/Introducing a weird & creepy hobby to a friend)
-Money (Lacking in money or sometimes having too much)
~Etcetera
Aside from the causes of embarrassment, there are types of embarrassment. In other words: the category name for your causes of embarrassment. (Ex: Throwing up on someone would be personal embarrassment) The two main forms are:
-Professional Embarrassment: Occurs due to lack of confidence in what one does or ignorance towards work. It involves embarrassment at work or businesses. Usually results in loss of materials, money, or life.
&
-Personal Embarrassment: Occurs due to unwanted intrusions into one’s personal life (Ex: personal affairs or mistakes). It can also occur due to what other people do to embarrass you. Your character/personality is usually questioned by others, especially when the embarrassment is a result of lying, losing a competition, passing gas, or burping.
You should’ve seen the look on your face:
(How can I tell if I’m embarrassed? How can I hide my reactions?)
Children of all ages aren’t always aware if they’re embarrassed. In fact, after having gone through an embarrassing situation and not realizing it until someone tells you, you’d finally react. That’s when your cheeks may start getting red, and your palms begin to get sweaty. By then, you’re wondering, "Why does my face feel hot? Why do I feel sweaty?" Your friend might even ask you the same question after taking a look at you. So, how can you tell if you’re embarrassed? Well, you may experience one or all of the following many reactions:
-Blushing (You’ll notice: Redness of cheeks)
-Nervousness (You’ll notice: Shakiness of body/Biting of fingernails)
-Sweating (You’ll notice: Perspiration on your palm, or head)
-Fidgeting (You’ll notice: Constant, "twitching," and a presentation of bad habits [Playing around with your hands or scratching your head])
-Stammering (You’ll notice: You have a hard time making out words, and seem to repeat some)
Most people try to cover up their embarrassing reactions by laughing or donning a weak smile. Sometimes thoughts in your head may also lead you to react this way. They may sometimes also make your reaction grow. (For example: You may blush because you are thinking, "Oh my god, he just winked at me.") In more embarrassing cases, a person may faint, runaway, or cry. Depending on the person, everyone has a different response to an embarrassing situation. Sometimes a person may not feel embarrassed at all.
As the crowd laughs, you run. Crowd: 1. You: 0:
(How do I deal/cope with embarrassment?)
Here's where things get tricky. Try to pay attention.
In order to deal/cope with embarrassment, you must first understand that embarrassment is unexpected. One should not feel ashamed such to extent where you're hiding under a table.
Dealing/Coping with embarrassment requires: moving forward, talking to others, and laughing at your self.
Moving forward: Embarrassment is caused by how people act after doing something silly. It is temporary and will go away. Some people won't really even notice if you just pretend it never happened. Adding on to this subject, people WILL notice if you look lost or display a reaction. Keep in mind that sometimes it’s probably worse inside your own head, but not in the actual situation.
Talking to others: Keeping all your problems to yourself leads to depression. You should talk to a friend, I'm sure they can relate to you. By talking to someone, you can feel secure and assured that you are not the only person who has gone through an embarrassing situation.
Laughing at yourself: Some people can laugh at their own mistakes, while others can't. However, the one's that do seem to stop being embarrassed and their moment soon turns into a funny story to tell to friends. Some people even tell jokes about their mistakes before anyone else can. By turning a situation into a harmless joke and laughing about it, you show people you aren't bothered or upset by it. Changing your attitude or outlook on things might be worth a shot. Start laughing today!
You call yourself a friend?:
(I've witnessed my friend go through an embarrassing event, what should I do?)
According to PBS.org’s embarrassment help site, the number one rule to remember when this has happened to you is: DON'T LAUGH!
The worst thing that could happen to your friend during an embarrassing moment is seeing their friend laughing at them.
Laughing is only recommended if your friend (the one who got embarrassed) starts laughing first. If you do happen to laugh to your friend, thinking what happened was hilarious, they might just return the favor.
If you're a real friend, you wouldn't try to point out your friend’s situation to others or make hurtful jokes. A real friend would give them a break. Your friend will be sure to do the same for you when you find yourself in a similar situation.
Hey! Where'd you go?:
(How can I prevent embarrassment?)
Want to prevent embarrassment? You must first take precautions. Here are some simple tips that will help you survive through a day, "embarrassment-free!"1) Everyone has intestinal gas. Gas comes from two major sources: air you swallow, and the by-product of digestion. Burping is caused when you, "eat the air."
However, most of us don't swallow air on purpose. But, eating air is easier than you think. You can increase the chances of swallowing air if you: smoke, chew gum, drink through a straw, drink carbonated drinks, eat or drink too quickly, and suck on hard candies. Doing any of the following may result in a higher chance of belching/passing gas. It is recommended you stay away from doing these in order to prevent these common embarrassing situations.
Swallowing air is not the only cause of gas and belching. Food is also the cause. Any kind of food high in fiber, which is broken down by bacteria, results in more gas. Foods high in fiber to keep away from are: vegetables (broccoli, onions, brussel sprouts), beans, fruits (apples, peaches), sodas and fruit drinks, and sugar-free gum and candy.
2) Heading towards many teenage issues, many female teens have unexpected, "things." You should always keep a feminine product handy, or ask your friends. Sometimes you can also carry extra pants or shorts that may come in handy.
3) I'm pretty sure plenty of teens would agree with me on this: Parents can be embarrassing. The first thing teens usually do to strike back at their parents is lash out at their own situations. This will obviously get you no where. If you wish your parents would stop a certain habit, make that the center of your attention. Keep track of their bad habits, and use that as evidence later on so they'd stop commenting on your embarrassing moments. Sometimes you can also talk to your parents. You may feel uneasy about it, but it never hurts to take a chance. If your parents know how your feeling, the might understand and stop embarrassing you. Not working? Another suggestion would be avoiding anything that could cause the talk of an embarrassing situation. You could also try to agree with your parents to stray them away from talking.
4) Events in school are the main causes that lead to embarrassment. For example: When you step out of the bathroom, you notice a bundle of toilet paper trailing behind you. In order to prevent such a situation from happening: Always check yourself before you leave a bathroom, or in other words, any room. (This should also apply when you leave your house as well) Stress may also cause you to stumble into an unexpected event. Learning to catch up with your studies in school without causing trouble with friends or other people lead to a smooth day.
5) When you’re not in school, you're still not protected from embarrassment. When your out on a date and an article on clothing splits, tie a jacket or sweater around the naked area. If that doesn't work, borrow a pin from someone. Sometimes you might forget your wallet. Don't feel shy; ask your date if they could pay, and if they do, you never know-- they might like you in which you can guarantee another date, your treat.
Hope this helps!
You're not alone; don’t forget that:
(How can I escape embarrassing situations?)
Since there are too many embarrassing situations, here is a special, "advice," column of how to deal with the most common situations.
Have fun reading embarrassing tales from people just like you!
"I'm a big girl...or not."
From: Anonymous, 13.
"I remember during the 1st grade, I asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom. I was a new student that time, and wasn't sure where everything was. My teacher led me to the bathroom, and said she'd wait for me, but I wanted to be a, "big girl," and say she didn't have to wait. After she left, I went to the bathroom to do my business. When I came out, a girl passing by stared at me so much, I asked her if something was wrong. You should've seen my face when she told me that I went into the boy’s bathroom! I was so embarrassed. To add to my day, I ended up getting lost on the way back to my classroom, and had to ask a teacher passing by how to get back. Apparently, the next day, all the kids in my class (including a friend on mine) were gossiping about my, 'bathroom accident.' I couldn't look anyone in the eye that day. When I got home, I told my mother, thinking she'd comfort me, but all I received was a chuckle. I wished I wasn't trying to act like a, "big girl," and just let my teacher wait for me. What I've learned from this? Don't say yes, when you know your not sure."
Handling the situation: Anonymous, it's great you learned from your mistake. First, it was wrong for your mother to laugh at you, but, perhaps she didn't understand what you were going through. You should try to talk it out with her next time, but it that doesn't work, confide in a trusted friend. You were correct when you said you should've looked carefully for which bathroom you were going into, and not have told your teacher you were okay being by yourself. One of the problems in a child's life is that they feel they should appear, "strong," in front of others, but should they risk appearing strong over, "safety?" As for your friend, and the other gossiping kids, they're not true friends. You might have been embarrassed that time, but as long as you stayed cool, and showed them your confidence the next time anything like that happens again (which I hope doesn't), you'll no longer be a, "new," student, but a, "new," student who knows her way around.
"Unexpected, much?"
From: Smile, Old.
"When was in 5th grade during a lunch in my elementary a guy I liked asked me out for prom, except the only problem was: his friend asked me for him. We didn't know each other much, and I noticed people around me were surprised. I was so embarrassed that I ran up a staircase twice into a bathroom. Surprisingly, he followed me, and kept asking me outside of the bathroom door. I didn't know what to say, so my friend said no for me."
Handling the situation: It was nice of your friend to, "help out," but sometimes people who have gone through situations like this should speak up. Next time, try to take a breather and recollect what has been said to you. If you're not sure how to reply to a question, you should say, "I'll answer you later." Also, it was understandable for you to hide since everything happened in the blink of an eye, but you should've also noticed and felt glad that only a few people saw what happened and not half of the school. Coping with something like this with a girlfriend (no, not in that way) would help.
"What do I do with this?"
From: HidingInTheCloset, 14.
"A guy I really liked (and wanted to ask out) sneezed one day and asked around if anyone had a tissue. Being that he was a popular boy (might I add, major hottie); every girl was rushing through their purses looking for a tissue. Sadly, I was one of those girls. I frantically pulled out what I thought was a tissue and said, "Here, use this." I smiled sweetly as he grabbed the, "tissue," but then gasped when I noticed I accidentally grabbed a feminine product instead. My face went beet-red, and they were, "burning," when he asked, "What do I do with this? Stick it up my nose?" Guess what? I never got my date. I ignored everyone around me for weeks, and spent days at home crying until my friend finally got me to tell her how I was feeling. Since then, I've stayed away from the popular guys and decided to wait until the right guy popped up."
Handling the situation: "Go with the flow." That's what I recommend next time this may happen to you (or anyone else). Although, I'm sure you would've notice you pulled out a product instead of a tissue, you could've remained your cool and act as if you pulled out the product on purpose. A good comeback after the boy asked you what he should do with the product could have been, "Yea, didn't you know? Feminine products are the new tissue!" You'd know if people got the joke if they started laughing. If you try this next time, you'll surely be laughing with your classmates instead of the other way around. As for your problems with keeping your troubles inside, you should understand that embarrassment is unexpected, and it wasn't your fault for not pulling out a tissue, but a product. If you still felt embarrassed after talking to a friend, turn to an understanding parent. Good luck!
"Respect the seagulls, for one day seagulls will rule the world!"
From: AvoidAllFlyingThings, 13.
"A friend I haven't seen for months invited me to the beach one day. I gladly accepted. We met up with each other at a library by my house and took the subway to Coney Island. This was during the summertime early in the morning, so there weren't many people at the beach yet. At first, when we got there, we just admired the sea and burning sand, until I spotted it: a seagull. Just staring at the creature made me remember about the time I was a little girl in China town. I was asking my mother to hold something for me, and then I felt something go, 'plop,' on my hand. I turned my head to look, and screamed. There was bird poop on my hand! *shudders* Anyway, back to the seagull. Because of my first bird incident, I never really liked birds and would always kick the air to scare them away. So, I thought the seagull (might I mention its other seagull friends) would fly away if I, "air kicked," them. I guess that was a bad idea though, because they did fly in the air, but they didn't go away. The seagull, along with its friends circled around my head, and dropped down their, "grenades." Luckily, I managed to escape by running off the beach, and onto wooden platforms that separated the beach from the shopping area. My face was so red, because the whole time, my friend and a couple of tourists were watching!"
Handling the situation: Now you know your mistake: Don't kick the seagulls; you never know what they'll do. As stated in the article, embarrassment can also be caused by mistake's one makes. For example: If you start a fight in school and end up losing, this is embarrassment you have inflicted on yourself. If you had chosen not to start trouble, embarrassment would not have happened to you. Keep that in mind next time, alright? Also, as for the witnesses, be lucky that only one friend and a couple of strangers only saw you, alright? Now, don't forget about my advice in the beginning! And I don't just mean seagulls!
"Moving on."
From: Anonymous, 13.
"An embarrassing moment in my life was last year in 7th grade at school. I met a girl this year and really liked her. We became great friends and I liked her. I asked her out but I was rejected. We were still close friends and talked with each other. However, everyone found out I liked her and began to refer to it whenever we were near each other. It became embarrassing and it was hard for us to talk together. I kept claiming we were just friends but it just annoyed her and I felt like it was jeopardizing our friendship. I felt embarrassed to be near her for a while and gave time to be settled. For the rest of the day, I tried to hide myself from being the center of attention. I was stressed out by the end of the day. I talked to one of my best friends about everyone knowing and she helped me feel more relieved. I also talked to other friends about the rejection and they helped me not feel bad about myself and gave me hope for the future. However, if I could turn back time, I would have delayed asking my friend out. I only met her that year and should have waited to get closer to her. I believe I had told a best friend my secret about liking her and that could have spread it to the entire class. I would have kept it to myself instead if I could change time. I was careless with keeping my secret and should have been more aware of the consequences." My advice to other children? When rejected by the person you like/love, don't think the world is over. You should not become depressed over this one person. To deal with this, just keep your spirits up, you will find someone eventually. As for everyone finding out the person you like/liked, ignore them completely. They have nothing to do with your personal life; you shouldn't have bothered responding to them. Talk to your friends to cheer you up so you won't feel isolated."
Handling the situation: I'll be honest, I'm absolutely speechless. You've basically pointed out everything my article was trying to get to readers. I'm really proud of how you've handled your rejections because not all teens can learn to get over something and move on. Also, your advice to other children was great, I'm sure it'll come in handy whenever anyone has a problem like this. I would also like to add that next time, if ignoring your classmates didn't work, you could have told them how you felt. Sometimes they make fun of you because they wanted to tease you (like a harmless joke), but they don't fully always understand how you're feeling. Aside from this, you've done a great job, good luck in the future, and keep staying strong!
Freedom, here I come!
(The finale)
So, now that you're an expert on embarrassment, what're you waiting for? Perk up a smile, head out that door because you've just earned yourself an, "embarrassment-free day!" As stated by Tony Robbins: "Focus 5% on the problem, and 95% on the solution."
[~Life is just too short to worry about humiliation.]
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