Writing Matters 601
Response to Literature
Snapshot
About the Authors
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Comments
you wrote the first sentence
YOU REPEATED YOURSELF
YOU REPEATED YOURSELF
You accidently repeated
You accidently repeated yourself many times. You forgot to capitalize the "m" in the word "My" when it was the beginning of the sentence and also in the beginning of the sentence you put a comma. Also in the last paragraph you put "I was 2 hours and i took a nap then..." and this sentence doesn't make sense
You keep repeating yourself
I was 2 hours and I took a
I was 2 hours and I took a nap then, played my game for a few minutes when I woke up from my nap.Then, it was around an hour or an hour and a half and I felt the plane stop flying and I was so excited to be there in North Carolina.I was screaming with joy.I took off my sit belt and walked out quickly.It smelled like food,coffee,bagels,and donuts.
, my sister,my mom,and I was walking to the door.Then,we got to the plane and I wanted to sit by the window so,I asked my mom, ‘ ‘ can I sit by the window?’’She said ‘ ‘sure!’’ it was awsome because I got to sit by the window.Then,I played my game for about 10 or 15 minutes.
Should be more descriptive."I was 2 hours"? i don't get that even if u put an if in it. You could say " i felt the plane hit the ground and a joyous feeling filled me that i was in north carolina" I'm just trying to help u be a little more descriptive. overall without the mistakes it was a nice story.
For the last sentence in the
For the last sentence in the first paragraph, there is a comma that isn't needed. The first sentence is also repeated. There are also grammar mistakes. You repeated the smell of the food over again, maybe try something new, or describe how amazing the scent of the food was :)! Maybe you should also add more description about your emotions as well. Try explaining your plane trip a bit more too. So overall, try working on your grammar and descriptions. :]!
Good Luck!
Too many errors and you
You restated the same thing
a lot of punctuation errors
you repeated a lot of