becoming a basketball player

October 12, 2011 - 12:48pm — wvelasquez
Author: 
wvelasquez
Once I was in the gym. I was playing basketball with my friends and my teacher. It was in a small gym.There was only a hope. With a back board and more things.
    It was the winter time. It was very cold outside.The was snow every where.I could not fell my hands or feet. Everyone wanted to play kickball but it was to cold. Every time when it rains or snow or if it’s cold we dont go outside.I had to bring a coat and I had to zip up my coat.I was playing basketball with my friends Marcus,latrell,Kevin,and kelvin. I was also playing with my teacher Mr.melve.It was me,Marcus,and latrell against Kevin,kelvin,and my teacher.       
    My friend was playing outstanding defence on me.He never gave up.But that's when I played even harder also.I made the shot in his face.They won some games and we won some games.I saw a basket,a ball,a bench and more. I  heared my friends yelling t o past  the ball and to guard there man. I fell a solid basketball on my hand. I saw people sweat.  We  had a great time we won alot  games we won four and they won two games.I was so good that i was in a group with my friends Marcus and Latrell.
1.5
Average: 1.5 (2 votes)

Comments

October 14, 2011 - 10:42am — jmaldonado115

i really like how u like

i really like how u like basketball.i like basketball to

October 14, 2011 - 10:46am — nnelson287

I LIKE THAT TOO 

I LIKE THAT TOO

 

October 14, 2011 - 10:48am — trivera455

        It was a nice

        It was a nice story. But you should give more details!

October 27, 2011 - 8:44am — vladimirsh2012

I can't really find out how

I can't really find out how this story coincides with your title "Becoming a Basketball Player". In no point of the story do you signify anything about becoming a basketball player or even wanting to become one.
October 27, 2011 - 9:11am — davidji2012

There are several mistakes

There are several mistakes that I see in your snapshot. "I", no matter what, is always capitalized. "Alot" is actually two words, and is commonly mistaken. It's actually "a lot".

When your talking about yourself and a group people, you should name your friends, or those people first, and then put yourself as "I" in the end.  For example, you stated in the last sentence of the before-last paragraph, "me, Marcus, and Latrell". It would be more sensible to say it as "It was Marcus, Latrell, and I". 

When you say a specific person, thing, or place, you should always capitalize those words.  Also, your story does not really correlate with your title of becoming a basketball player - you are merely stating something related to the game of basketball, but it doesn't really state how, when you will achieve your goals of becoming a basketball player. It might be better if you change your title to correlate with your story.